Where there's smoke.... (post by jessi)

Wednesday night, our smoke alarm went off around midnight.  It wasn’t the stupid chirping sound that happens when the battery is low.  It was the “OMFG wake up, there’s a fire in your house” sound.  A split second after it started, Benny asked, “What is that?!”  He must’ve been still half asleep because there is NO mistaking the terrible, terrible screech of a smoke alarm in the middle of the night.

 

We both leapt out of bed in a panic.  Was it the smoke alarm or the carbon monoxide detector?  Am I going to have to jump out of a window? Did the furnace catch on fire?  Are we going to lose our house? Ahhhh, OMG stop with the screeching already, we’re awake dammit!!!!!

 

By this time, my heart was pounding out of my chest.  I was in full blown panic mode and I’d just barely hopped out of bed.   As we stepped onto the landing of our bedroom, it was literally impossible to determine which smoke alarm was going off.  Our house has a huge open space from the ground floor to the 3^rd floor (A cathedral ceiling?  I’m not sure what it’s called, really) and so sound travels throughout the house very easily.   We go downstairs with poor doggy in tow (I'm sure all of that screeching was really painful for her), and we finally find the ballistic smoke alarm.  Benny shuts it off.  There is no smoke.  There is no fire.  There is no emergency.  Stupid smoke alarm.

 

We head back to bed and Benny almost immediately falls back to sleep.  Jerk.  J  I, on the other hand, lay there trying to calm my nerves and figure out how a smoke alarm could malfunction like that.  I think about all of the possible scenarios that could’ve just played out if there actually was a fire.  I think about what that experience would’ve been like if BGJ was asleep in her crib and I begin to feel very vulnerable.  As someone who’s never been particularly strong or level-headed in emergency situations, will I be able to rise to the call of duty for my child or will I fall faint?  No joke, I'm really a fainter.  It was completely overwhelming and a bit traumatizing to feel all of this self doubt over a stupid malfunctioning smoke alarm.

   

Eventually I fall asleep and when I wake up, I’m still a bit disturbed by the whole thing.  Benny makes me a coffee and I follow my usual morning ritual of reading up on my favorite blogs, one of which is called Rookie Moms.  I almost choked when I saw the newest post, Creative New Products for Parents. 

Holy. Crap.

Irony (post by jessi)

In summer 2012, I met with Maternal Fetal Medicine at Fletcher Allen Health Care to discuss my reproductive options.  Aside from a 30% - 60% chance of death, I would probably be very sick in the second and third trimesters, spend most of my time at the hospital being monitored or worse, on bed rest at the hospital. Even if I didn’t die during (or soon after) pregnancy, I would have a very small and/or premature baby with high medical needs.  Talk about being scared straight! 

Fast forward exactly 2 years and 3 days and I find myself in the same examination room at FAHC discussing our small baby.  Ahhhh, the irony! 

As you already know, the prognosis is great for both Maggie and BGJ.  Our OB thinks she’s conditionally small – meaning she’d be small even without an SUA.  We’re not giant people, Benny and I, and there’s a lot of diminutiveness on both sides of our families.  But because of the umbilical cord anomaly, we need a monitoring plan to confirm that BGJ does not go into distress.  Our first weekly monitoring appointment was this past Monday and all is well.  1 down, 8 more to go.  That’s in addition to the regular OB checkups at Maitri, which brings us up to 2 appointments per week until BGJ arrives.  Oy!        

With each appointment to check on BJG, I’m less anxious and more confident that everything is going to be just fine – for everyone.  This situation is completely out of our control and nothing that Maggie does (or doesn’t do) will affect the outcome – just so long as she doesn’t pick up smoking cigarettes or crack.  Of all the pregnancy complications to choose from, (and I’m not really sure complication is the correct term in this context) an SUA is one of the least scary to research with Dr Google.  If you've consulted Dr Google for any medical information, you  know that that speaks volumes! 

A benefit of gestational surrogacy with a BFF is that I could vicariously experience pregnancy through Maggie.  Aside from the fetal echocardiogram to make sure BGJ didn’t inherit my heart defect, I assumed we’d follow a predictable care schedule with just two ultrasounds and then somewhere around 40 weeks Maggie would go into labor and deliver.  There wouldn’t be dozens of appointments and consults with various specialties or the weight of worrying about my health or the health of the baby. I looked forward to a smooth, text book maternity experience as well as the opportunity to see just how those healthy people without chronic conditions had a baby without modern medicine being all up in your face.   

And here’s my point to all this rambling:  How ironic is it that instead of living vicariously through Maggie, she is now getting a small taste of what the pregnancy could’ve been like for me?

Mind blown.

 

Although, there’s a HUGE upside to all of this third trimester attention:  Tons and tons of looks at BGJ.  For your viewing pleasure:



 

 

P.S. Our last ultrasound technician was super fun and tried to get us a 3-D profile or face shot of BGJ but to no surprise, this little one is a strong willed Scorpio who's not a fan of the ultrasound waves so all we got was a weird ear shot.  I'll spare you that image.  Well-played, BGJ.

 

ETA

At the 20 week ultrasound we were told that BGJ (Baby Girl Jacobs) was measuring on the small side and Maitri recommended doing an additional scan (level 2?) at Fletcher Allen to make sure things were okay. They also noted that there was a Single Umbilical Cord (SUA), which means that instead of the typical 2 artery/1 vein cord, this baby only has on artery.

A few days after that we headed up to FAHC for the second scan. All of the measurements looked fantastic. Head, heart, kidneys, bones, neck folds....They checked the whole, sweet, itty-bitty baby and noted nothing else of significance. Yet, she was still teeny tiny and had the SUA going for her. We were offered additional genetic testing, but opted out. However, we were told that an additional growth scan would take place around 28 weeks.

By 28 weeks, my brain had basically turned to mush. I can't remember anything. I'm fairly emotionally fragile and to top it all off, my daughter started first grade, which creates for a busy time of year. Getting kids out of the glory of summer nights and into a strict bedtime routine is no joke. In fact, it's not a funny at all. It's torture. For everyone. There is basically no down time for parents because you spend 2 hours negotiating with your kids why they need to go to bed and then you're too exhausted to do anything but collapse on your bed-Which hasn't even been comfortable lately because it is approximately 1,000 degrees with a million percent humidity....And don't even get me started on this g.d. ragweed ridiculousness. I basically need an oxygen tank to breath.

So I arrived late to my first appointment of the week and needed to reschedule for the following day, which was fine, because they hadn't booked us for a room with an ultrasound machine thing, so I'm not really sure what the deal was. The doctor at our rescheduled appointment seemed to have missed the memo about what was going on in the room. I am fairly certain she thought I just brought some random couple to the appointment and had no idea that the baby was actually theirs. When the scan showed that the baby was still small, she panicked and fled, announcing that FAHC would call us for an additional scan. But don't worry, she momentarily peaked her head back in to ask if we had any questions. I'm barely exaggerating.

A week and a half later we had an additional scan and a great doctor that was very thorough and clear about the plan in the coming weeks, so here goes:

BGJ is measuring small for her gestational age. Any time a baby is below the bottom 5% the doctor's recommend weekly growth scans and doppler readings. The doppler readings study the blood flow between me and BGJ. Starting at 32 weeks they will add a Non-Stress Test which will monitor BGJ's heart rate both while BGJ is moving and when she's not moving. If at any point, BGJ stops or slows in her growth or she appears in distress then I will be induced and we will all get to meet BGJ earlier than expected! Although we would love to keep her in as long as possible, we also can't wait to meet her.

BGJ looks great, really. She's just a peanut. So we will do our best to keep you posted in the coming weeks. We are in the final stretch for sure!