(How very Sinead of me!)
Dear Jessi,
Since it's my birthday, I've had the opportunity to reflect a bit and I've decided to impart some of my wisdom as a parent. Your birthday is right around the corner (December 4th) and I want to give you some friendly advice. Enjoy this birthday. Relish it. Remember it always. It's glory. It's simplicity. It's serenity. Because it will never happen again.
First, don't set your alarm. Wake up whenever you want. To the sound of the wind blowing, or birds singing or some peaceful crap like that. Because from now on, you'll be squinching your eyes shut, trying to pretend that you can't hear the shrill noise of your child/ren screaming for you while their father tries to keep them from waking you. You will wish you were sleeping in, but you just won't be able to.
When you do peacefully wake up, let Benny bring you coffee and then read a trashy magazine in bed for like an hour or something. Then throw the magazine on the floor and leave it there all day, because you won't have to shield it from innocent eyes that might mistake the airbrushed quality of the pictures for beauty.
If it's a work day, leisurely get yourself ready and when it's time to walk out the door. Just stroll on out. Start your car and check your Facebook real quick while you wait for it to warm up. In the future, you will get to soothe/convince your 5 year old that she won't have to ride bus 23 around town again and that it will drop her off at dance. What? She doesn't want to go to dance? Oh, no big deal. Just explain to her that you are really sorry that you have to work so late and you wish she could come home right after school too, only she can't because you need to have a job. When she tells you she doesn't care, you should respond that it's your birthday and that she has to care. That TOTALLY works with the 5 year old crowd!
Take care of just you all day long. Get a massage, a pedicure, go to a workout class, have a nice lunch, maybe a little shopping. Next year you will get to do one of those things. Only one.
Have Ben take you out to a delicious, classy dinner. Or have him make you one. Eat slowly. Savor every bite and have a nice bottle of wine. Gaze into Ben's eyes while he tells you how lucky he is to get to be marrying YOU! Because you are pretty awesome, despite your duct tape addiction! If you're out to dinner, make sure he picks up the bill. If you're at home make sure he does the dishes. During the next phase of your life, as your children are providing entertainment at the dinner table and inadvertently knock over there drink and you jump up to get a towel or when you're trying to help get the food on the table, or the children prepared to eat, Ben will try and encourage you to sit back and relax, but you will know that it's just easier for you both to be working together to get this done.
I love my children so very much and all of the responsibilities that go with them, but there is something to be said about those days when you can do nothing but take care of yourself. So do that now. Do it while you can. Your children will be the best thing that ever happened to you. You will love them more than you ever thought you could possible love. And you will fondly remember the moments where you were number one.
Love you girl! So happy I can be your baby holder!
Maggie XO
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Like a Rock (post by Jessi)
Two weeks ago, I started self-administering Lovenox
injections. Lovenox is an anti-coagulation drug which helps prevent and/or dissolve blot clots. It’s the devil. These injections are shot into the lower
belly and it feels like molasses mixed with hot sauce and flesh-eating fire ants. Not only does it hurt like the dickens going in (OMG, did I really just use the term "dickens"?), but you continue to feel the burn for twenty minutes following. The area around the injection site becomes very
sore while the skin and fatty tissue beneath is hard, like a rock, for days following.
There’s something completely unnatural about giving yourself
injections – especially when they’re this painful. Shots are supposed to be given by someone
else, right? You, the patient, should
just sit quietly while the nurse prepares the needle, the injection site, jabs
you with it and pushes the plunger while you squeeze your eyes and fists closed,
holding your breath just waiting for it to be over. There is no such luxury with self-administering
shots. I get everything ready to go and
there’s always a moment of hesitation, this tiny little voice that cries out “noooooo!
Why are you doing this to yourself? It’s
going to hurt, BAD!” but then you self-talk yourself into stabbing yourself with the needle and pushing the plunger. After it’s
finished, I feel an overwhelming sense of relief that it’s done, at least until the next
twelve hours rolls around.
 |
| Ever wondered what $2,100 worth of IVF medications looked like? |
About a week ago, I started the hormone injections. Dr Davenport explained that while on these
drugs I would experience intense PMS symptoms.
He said this was going to be a very emotional time for me as my hormone
levels would be higher than ever and I’d probably be uncomfortable from the
ovary stimulation. Surprisingly enough,
I haven’t been the raging bitch I expected to be – comment at your own risk. However, I’m running out of real estate on my
belly and looking forward to the end of these injections.
 |
| 2 things in this picture are hard as a rock. Shotgun wedding anyone? |
And finally, I can’t help but notice the irony in the timing of the next
two weeks:
- 10/29: Benny’s sister, Jay, turns 40 today. Happy birthday Jay!!!!
- 10/30: Maggie The Carrier turns 34. Happy birthday to our beautiful and brave baby belly momma!
- 10/31: Nurse Mo turns 36. Happy birthday to our sweet, dear nurse who spends most of her time with whacked out, hormonal women!
- 11/1: Our BFF, Kate Jerman, turns 34. Happy birthday Kate! I promise not to call you at 7am Eastern Time (3am your time) because I will be headed into the operating room for EGG RETRIEVAL!
- 11/4: Our other BFF, Erin Massey Armstrong, has a scheduled C-Section for baby #2! Happy birthday Baby Armstrong #2!
- And sometime next week, a happy little embryo will transfer to Maggie for the next 39 weeks.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Shut it Down
The shut down started October 11th. I'm not sure if you are aware, but the Uterus is awfully noisy. I've actually been taking Ortho-tricyclen (Male translation: birth control pills) since I got my IUD out in July. Not sure if it's because the doctor's still don't believe me that Jim is my only partner or what. It seems contradictory, right? Birth control to prepare for the surrogacy. But I think the doctor's just want to be in control of my cycle.....And then wipe it out completely (insert dramatic music-Dun, dun, dunnnn). So then on October 11th I started taking Lupron (or the generic term: Leuprolide) via subcutaneous injection. Which means that every evening I inject myself with an insulin type needle in the stomach with 10 international units of Lupron.
In order to learn the art of giving yourself injections, you have a "lesson" at the clinic. So Ben, Jessi and I headed on over to the Gynecology Outpatient Clinic (from now on we'll call it just, the clinic). Where Mo took us into a room to show us the medicine we would be taking and how to inject it.
Jessi and I have very different purposes for these medications. Lupron is used to suppress the pituitary gland, which is responsible for ovulation. We want my ovulation to basically stop so that my body can react better to the embryo.
This is the only injection I have and I have to take until basically the day before "retrieval". The Vivelle you see in the picture is a patch. Stay tuned.
I have never injected myself with anything so I needed a real tutorial. Mo pulled out her pretend arm bubble and let us have at it. We each had a turn filling up the syringe and injecting it into the arm bubble, which is filled with strange pretend medicine. Gross. Mo described that we should inject in our stomach because it's best to inject into a place where there is a layer of fat....I know, can you believe it? I don't even have fat on my belly....probably. Ok maybe a little.
Once I started the Lupron, I stopped the Tricyclen and then on October 18th, I had a baseline ultrasound. Later that day, Jessi and I received an email from Mo that stated:
Maggie’s baseline ultrasound this morning was clear – which means that her uterine lining was thin and her ovaries had no signs of ovulation – and her estradiol level was low. As soon as we hear that Jessi’s started her period, Maggie can put on her first estrogen patch.
Woo-Hoo!
Jessi, Mo and I decided that I had shut it down like a boss and then we were to wait. Mo and Dr. Davenport reported that whilst I was on the Lupron, I may have Menopausal like symptoms. These could include, but were not limited to: Hot flashes, night sweats, headaches, acne and "mood changes". As I described this to my husband and co-workers, they were thrilled! As if my "mood changes" weren't erratic enough!
Sidenote: A shutdown, does not happen without great struggle between parties first. Ask the US Government. The week before receiving my medications via mail because apparently local pharmacies can't handle the annoying vendors that sell these medications I spent no less than one hour on the phone with Blue Cross Blue Shield (BCBS), Curascript, and Freedom Fertility Pharmacy EVERY DAY. That's right every f*%^$#ing day I had to call these places to try and get my medications sent to me on time and correctly.
What I understand is that because these medications are "specialty medications" they cannot be retrieved in your local pharmacy. Freedom Fertility does not sell the prescription strength of the Lupron that I needed, so we were trying to get it from Curascript. Who basically has the worst customer service policy in the world. It was a no go. We couldn't even get them to follow through with the prescription. Further, all of these "specialty clinics" need pre-authorizations from BCBS. BCBS has a policy that the customer should not be the "go-between" with the pharmacies. The pharmacies do not have this policy. Ergo, once I was speaking with Freedom they were telling me that I needed to call my insurance policy to get my correct prescription ID, Rx ID #, Rx Bin #, etc. I can't even understand what they are saying to me and my blood is starting to boil. My co-workers, who are in the office when I'm having to communicate with these mo-rons, are freaking psyched because they aren't the target of my "mood swings" however, they would agree with me that these conversations are mind-boggling infuriating. I call BCBS to get all of the various numbers I'm instructed to get and "Michael" from customer service says, "why isn't the pharmacy calling us directly?" Which obviously, I can't answer. I get what I need and Freedom then calls me. Did you hear that? They call me. And I answer.
Maggie, "Hello?"
Computer, "Hello this is, Freedom. Pharmacy. Calling for, Maggie Van Duyn." (remember this is a computer, so instead of saying my real name which is pronounced Van DINE, they say Van Dooyen, because it's a GD computer and it's not as smart as it thinks it is.) "We have an important message for you. Please hold and someone will be with you shortly." At this point I feel like I have no choice because I just want this to be over with so I painfully wait for 5 minutes. literally. and enjoy the elevator music that is supposed to make me feel calm, but it cuts in and out so it just annoys me and every 30 seconds or so a very serene woman tells me that all of her "customer service" representative are busy, but someone will be with me shortly. And then....
We'll call her Jan: "Hello this is Jan, what can I help you with?"
Maggie: "You called me. What can I help you with?"
Jan: "Ok, can I have your date of birth?" (Good answer!)
Maggie: "10. 30. 79."
Jan: "Ok. It looks like we need some information from your insurance company."
Maggie (flatline): "Yep. I have that. Are you ready?" I go on to give her the information that she needs. She then tells me they will call me later to get my payment information.
Maggie: "Can't I just give that to you now instead of having to wait until you call me, wait on hold because there isn't a human available to talk with me and then have you ask me all the same questions again?"
Jan: "Oh, ok. I guess you can give us a credit card."
Maggie: "Ok. How much will it be?"
Jan: "Oh, I don't know. I don't have that information yet. I can tell you how much it will be without insurance." That price is approximately $1200. So no, I'm not going to give them my credit card number because based on this terrible experience, that is money that I'll never see again. So, naturally I went on to describe why I was so frustrated and how terrible my experience, AS A CUSTOMER, has been. I asked that when they do have someone call me for my credit card that they actually have a human call me.
A human does not call me later. And in the midst of giving them my credit card information, my call was dropped so I had to call back. What I wanted to say was, "I will never use this company again." But the truth is, I can't say that. Because I don't know if I will need them. It's like airlines. When you have a terrible experience on US Airways and you vow that you will never use them again, you can't really say that because if you are like me, you're looking for a good deal and if US Airways tickets are $100 less then JetBlue guess who I'm flying?
And the end result is the same. You get to your destination. My uterus is sufficiently shut down. We are ready for takeoff. I'm currently building my uterine wall with Vivelle estrogen patches in anticipation of "the transfer" in a week or two. And meanwhile, Jessi's getting jacked up on hormones. Game on!
Jessi and I have very different purposes for these medications. Lupron is used to suppress the pituitary gland, which is responsible for ovulation. We want my ovulation to basically stop so that my body can react better to the embryo.
This is the only injection I have and I have to take until basically the day before "retrieval". The Vivelle you see in the picture is a patch. Stay tuned.
I have never injected myself with anything so I needed a real tutorial. Mo pulled out her pretend arm bubble and let us have at it. We each had a turn filling up the syringe and injecting it into the arm bubble, which is filled with strange pretend medicine. Gross. Mo described that we should inject in our stomach because it's best to inject into a place where there is a layer of fat....I know, can you believe it? I don't even have fat on my belly....probably. Ok maybe a little.
Once I started the Lupron, I stopped the Tricyclen and then on October 18th, I had a baseline ultrasound. Later that day, Jessi and I received an email from Mo that stated:
Maggie’s baseline ultrasound this morning was clear – which means that her uterine lining was thin and her ovaries had no signs of ovulation – and her estradiol level was low. As soon as we hear that Jessi’s started her period, Maggie can put on her first estrogen patch.
Woo-Hoo!
Jessi, Mo and I decided that I had shut it down like a boss and then we were to wait. Mo and Dr. Davenport reported that whilst I was on the Lupron, I may have Menopausal like symptoms. These could include, but were not limited to: Hot flashes, night sweats, headaches, acne and "mood changes". As I described this to my husband and co-workers, they were thrilled! As if my "mood changes" weren't erratic enough!
Sidenote: A shutdown, does not happen without great struggle between parties first. Ask the US Government. The week before receiving my medications via mail because apparently local pharmacies can't handle the annoying vendors that sell these medications I spent no less than one hour on the phone with Blue Cross Blue Shield (BCBS), Curascript, and Freedom Fertility Pharmacy EVERY DAY. That's right every f*%^$#ing day I had to call these places to try and get my medications sent to me on time and correctly.
What I understand is that because these medications are "specialty medications" they cannot be retrieved in your local pharmacy. Freedom Fertility does not sell the prescription strength of the Lupron that I needed, so we were trying to get it from Curascript. Who basically has the worst customer service policy in the world. It was a no go. We couldn't even get them to follow through with the prescription. Further, all of these "specialty clinics" need pre-authorizations from BCBS. BCBS has a policy that the customer should not be the "go-between" with the pharmacies. The pharmacies do not have this policy. Ergo, once I was speaking with Freedom they were telling me that I needed to call my insurance policy to get my correct prescription ID, Rx ID #, Rx Bin #, etc. I can't even understand what they are saying to me and my blood is starting to boil. My co-workers, who are in the office when I'm having to communicate with these mo-rons, are freaking psyched because they aren't the target of my "mood swings" however, they would agree with me that these conversations are mind-boggling infuriating. I call BCBS to get all of the various numbers I'm instructed to get and "Michael" from customer service says, "why isn't the pharmacy calling us directly?" Which obviously, I can't answer. I get what I need and Freedom then calls me. Did you hear that? They call me. And I answer.
Maggie, "Hello?"
Computer, "Hello this is, Freedom. Pharmacy. Calling for, Maggie Van Duyn." (remember this is a computer, so instead of saying my real name which is pronounced Van DINE, they say Van Dooyen, because it's a GD computer and it's not as smart as it thinks it is.) "We have an important message for you. Please hold and someone will be with you shortly." At this point I feel like I have no choice because I just want this to be over with so I painfully wait for 5 minutes. literally. and enjoy the elevator music that is supposed to make me feel calm, but it cuts in and out so it just annoys me and every 30 seconds or so a very serene woman tells me that all of her "customer service" representative are busy, but someone will be with me shortly. And then....
We'll call her Jan: "Hello this is Jan, what can I help you with?"
Maggie: "You called me. What can I help you with?"
Jan: "Ok, can I have your date of birth?" (Good answer!)
Maggie: "10. 30. 79."
Jan: "Ok. It looks like we need some information from your insurance company."
Maggie (flatline): "Yep. I have that. Are you ready?" I go on to give her the information that she needs. She then tells me they will call me later to get my payment information.
Maggie: "Can't I just give that to you now instead of having to wait until you call me, wait on hold because there isn't a human available to talk with me and then have you ask me all the same questions again?"
Jan: "Oh, ok. I guess you can give us a credit card."
Maggie: "Ok. How much will it be?"
Jan: "Oh, I don't know. I don't have that information yet. I can tell you how much it will be without insurance." That price is approximately $1200. So no, I'm not going to give them my credit card number because based on this terrible experience, that is money that I'll never see again. So, naturally I went on to describe why I was so frustrated and how terrible my experience, AS A CUSTOMER, has been. I asked that when they do have someone call me for my credit card that they actually have a human call me.
A human does not call me later. And in the midst of giving them my credit card information, my call was dropped so I had to call back. What I wanted to say was, "I will never use this company again." But the truth is, I can't say that. Because I don't know if I will need them. It's like airlines. When you have a terrible experience on US Airways and you vow that you will never use them again, you can't really say that because if you are like me, you're looking for a good deal and if US Airways tickets are $100 less then JetBlue guess who I'm flying?
And the end result is the same. You get to your destination. My uterus is sufficiently shut down. We are ready for takeoff. I'm currently building my uterine wall with Vivelle estrogen patches in anticipation of "the transfer" in a week or two. And meanwhile, Jessi's getting jacked up on hormones. Game on!
Monday, October 14, 2013
PERIOD ALERT
So I was sitting on my couch one Friday night, as most parents of young children tend to do and I was thinking about what I would write for my next post when I received this string of emails titled "PERIOD ALERT:
From: Jessica Holcomb
to: Van Leuven, Me
Hi,
Hi,
This is perhaps the most awkward email I've ever written but I'm supposed to let you know that I started spotting this evening. This is about 23-25 days from my last period (can't remember the exact date but you should have it in Davenports notes). Can you just double check the timing in case we can start sooner?
Let's get this show on the road!
Jessi
_________________________________________________________________________________
From: Van Leuven
To: Jessica Holcomb, Me
Hi ladies!
At the risk of adding to the awkwardness... Do you usually just have spotting with periods or do you get heavier bleeding? If this is all you get, then we may be able to move your cycle up a bit!
I'll touch base with you Monday and we can figure out when to start Maggie's Lupron and switch you to the Lovenox. Very exciting!!!
Have a great weekend!
Sent from my iPhone
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Jessica Holcomb
To: Van Leuven, Me
Haha! I see your awkward question and I raise you an awkward answer! It's usually just spotting, sometimes its consistent spotting through the course of my period and other times I spot for a day or two, stop for a day or two and then start again but all at the same level of spottiness. Maybe once or twice per year I have a heavier flow somewhere in the middle of my cycle but I can't predict it with any rhyme or reason.
I can come in for an ultrasound Monday starting at 12 or anytime after.
Fingers crossed! Have a good weekend too!
_________________________________________________________________________________
To which I reply:
From: Maggie
To: Holcomb, Van Leuven
Bwahahaha. I totally thought this was spam. Just was talking about another blog post and then saw this! Then told Jim I was reading an email thread from you two, to which he replied: "did she start her flow? Is she spotting?" You can't make this stuff up.
Sent from my iPhone
Sent from my iPhone
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
 |
| Jim consulting the "timeline" |
Now, I could certainly stop writing now because if you are like me, you have been thoroughly entertained and could move on to watching mindless television for an hour, only to retire to your bed where you read somewhere between 2 and 10 pages of your book before calling it quits and falling into 2-4 increments of sleep, broken up by children crying/being cold/being hot/feeling scared and a good old game of musical beds in which it is likely you will lose by waking up in a bed that you did not go to sleep in, but I think it's important for us to take a moment to talk about my luck in finding a partner like Jim.
When I tell people about being a Gestational Surrogate their first question is, "do you think you will be okay with giving the baby away after carrying it for all that time?" I explain that I simply don't see it that way. That I'm not "giving the baby" away because it was never mine. I'm just holding it for my friends while they can't. It's their baby. It's not my genetic makeup. It's not mine. I'm the home, the host, the incubator.
The second question I typically get is "how does Jim feel about this." Not one single person has been surprised to hear that Jim is completely on board and has been totally amazing about this. Because everyone who knows Jim knows that he is a kind, caring and wonderful human being. He is great at everything he does (except housework, being organized and remembering to buy me flowers. Ever.).
First of all, he is a Special Educator for 7th and 8th graders. A job where you must be a Saint. Have you ever met 7th and 8th graders? They are basically the worst. Not only are they miserable, mean and moody because their hormones are out of control, but they also smell terrible for the same reason. That and they haven't quite figured out the perfect, nay adequate self-care needed to prevent their impenetrable stench. Jim chose to work with this vile population. And he likes it.
Jim's parenting skills seem to come naturally and he has talked me down off of every proverbial parenting cliff I have been on the edge of. Jim is able to help manage my laissez-faire attitude about being on time by bringing coffee to our room every weekday morning in order to help me get up by 6. Spoiled you say? I think so, but Jim is also brilliant because he strategically places the coffee across the room on my dresser so that I must actually rise up if I want my coffee to be hot when I drink it!
Also, NEWSFLASH: Jim Married Me. So, he must be something special because each time I suggest we move; we have a baby; I go to grad school; he go to grad school; we move again; we have another baby; we build an addition; I get a second job as a fitness instructor; he coach Zoey's soccer team; we go on a week and half long vacation with my family; or we become gestational surrogates for our friends.....he is always willing to have a thoughtful, meaningful conversation about it where he considers the impact on our family and helps make a decision that we know will make our lives richer. I feel blessed beyond belief to have a partner as loyal and supportive as Jim. I'll quote my dear uncle Larry who once said: "Jim is the glue that holds this family together." And I think you'll agree.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
How's it flowing? (post by Jessi)
Appointments, appointments and more appointments.
 |
| Dr Merhi |
So here we are. My stellar eggs, Ben's undefeatable sperm army and Maggie's superb and pristine uterus. This is nothing short of a winning combination and although they'll never admit this out loud, I can sense that the fertility clinic feels like they've got this one in the bag. The only obstacle is retrieving my eggs without complications.
And, about that! Usually, egg retrievals are low risk outpatient procedures. They pump you full of hormones to confuse your body into thinking it needs to produce as many eggs as possible. In order to manipulate when your body is ready to ovulate however, the IVF clinic puts you on birth control pills. This "quiets down the uterus" and any related menstrual cycle activities. (So far, the preceding phrase in quotes is our friend Kate's favorite new terminology). Once your normal hormone bodily functions are suppressed with birth control pills, the egg producer (me) would take several hormone injections for about 7 days, assuming all goes well, and then one giant dose of HCG to kick of the ovulation party. Precisely 35 hours later, the egg retrieval procedure is conducted and, BAM, you got eggs!
In my particular case, the IVF team chose to avoid the use of birth control pills because it would unnecessarily add additional hormones to an already hormone-filled body. Also, hormones increase the risk for blood clots and stroke (which is rare but it still happens) and given my unique cardiovascular condition, why subject me to any more risk than necessary? So what does this mean for me? It means we have several, in-depth conversations about my periods, how long they are, how heavy they are and how often I have them.
For my entire life, I’ve been an open book when it comes to personal medical issues. It probably has something to do with growing up as the child prodigy equivalent of a pediatric cardiac patient. If I had a dollar for every medical student that wanted to listen to my heart murmur…! But somehow when being an open book involves talking about one’s cycle, the conversation inevitably becomes awkward.
One of the last appointments required to move forward was a joint meeting with the IVF Fellow, Dr Davenport.
Maggie, Jim, Benny and I met as a group in a tiny exam room with Dr Davenport to discuss the process at a high level and make sure everyone had a common understanding of the procedures, potential risks and likely outcomes. However, the conversation quickly evolved into a discussion about how the clinic decided not to put me on birth control pills, opting instead to time the hormone-laden injections with my natural ovulation cycle. And, as you can imagine, much discussion about my cycle commenced.
 |
| Dr Davenport |
Here we are, arranged in a tight huddle discussing the details (and boy, do I mean DETAILS) of my menstrual cycle. “Basically, you’ll start hormone injections on the third day following your first real flow,” Davenport said. To which I replied, “well, I don’t really have flow. I have an IUD and I just spot.” Davenport - “But does it get heavier at any point during your cycle?” Me: “Not really, just spotting.” Meanwhile, both Jim and Benny are slowing sinking in their chairs, avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room. They looked like school boys doing their best not to get called upon by the teacher. They wanted to evaporate, to spontaneously combust or be abducted by aliens. Anything would be better than listening to the nitty gritty patient-doctor details of my menstrual cycle. I could feel the flushing in my cheeks as this discussion continued for another 10 minutes but they hung in there like champs, nobody fainted or vomited and soon we all went on our merry way.
So that’s basically where we stand now. All of the prerequisites have been completed and we’re patiently waiting for Aunt Flo to grace us with her presence so we can get this baby train moving.
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