Setting up our Breastaurant (post by Jessi)

At one of our required mental health appointments (you know, to validate that neither party to the Baby Jacobs Project was insane or coerced), the therapist mentioned that breastfeeding could be an option for me.  I explained that due to my heart condition, supplemental hormones to trick my body into lactating would probably not be in my best interest.  She said, “You don’t need hormones, it’s possible to induce lactation naturally.”  We were all surprised at this news.  Apparently, if you’re female and have a properly functioning pituitary gland, you can produce milk.  Sorry, Focker.

So what does naturally inducing lactation look like?  In one word:  commitment.   Everyone knows the benefits and all of the reasons why breast is best but just exactly what is involved in getting your body to do this in the absence of pregnancy?  Most online resources I’ve found read something like this:

The major drawbacks of induced lactation mainly involve the time and effort required to be successful. Stimulating the production of milk requires huge dedication and commitment, as breast pumping and stimulation needs to be performed 6 to 12 times a day, including night-time sessions which involve waking up in the early a.m.

6-12 times a day?  Ok, I guess that makes sense.  I can handle that and continue to research.

You will probably experience fatigue and increased hunger, as your body believes it is eating for two. You should increase your calorie intake by about 200 calories per day, but try to make healthy food choices in order to minimize weight gain.

Ha!  I’m definitely NOT going to increase my caloric intake, I’m taking this lactation train to skinny city.  Go on, tell me more.

If you decide to go down the breast pump only route (no hormones), you will need to begin pumping at least two months before the arrival of the baby. You will need to set a strict schedule, pumping every 2 to 3 hours, for 15 to 20 minutes at a time.  You will also need to include at least one night time pumping session, as your body's natural prolactin levels are highest between 1 am and 5am, so it's important to take advantage of this fact.

Pfft, big deal!  I can do this.  Might as well get a head start on my disrupted sleep cycle early, right?  

And then it gets weird.

If your baby has not yet arrived, you can still use the suckling method to induce lactation - you just need to get your partner to do it instead. This requires a huge commitment from both partners, but can be quite effective and can actually create a deeper connection between the two of you. It is essential that your partner learns the correct latching on and suckling technique, and that you stick to a strict schedule.

Alrighty then!  Yeah, um, no.  I think we’ll let the baby suckle and if the milk doesn’t come in, we’ll switch to formula.  

Talk to Me Like I'm A 5 Year Old

I have been thinking about talking to Zoey about being a gestational surrogate for weeks now. When people who know about the pregnancy approach me or I see them for the first time in a while I frantically whisper that they should say NOTHING about the pregnancy and then awkwardly motion toward my children while shaking my head. Then I stare at my children to ensure that they continue to be completely unaware that anything at all has changed. This series of motions deters people from talking about pregnancy. It also appears that along with the pregnancy, I have developed paranoia and a lack of gross motor impulse control.

My desire to keep friends, along with the fact that my stomach now sticks out farther than my boobs, has made me realize that it's time to tell the kids. Emmet (3 year old boy), I believe, will have very little awareness or care. Zoey on the other hand, is currently obsessed with live babies. She has never really been into baby dolls that much, but recently my close friends and relatives have started to have babies and she just can't get enough of them. She holds them, tries to pick them up and googoos and gagas all over them. It's adorable and I love it. She also has been telling me, in the past 6 months that she thinks we should have a third baby in our house, to which I usually reply that we aren't going to have more babies in our house. So you can see my apprehension.

For about 2 weeks now, I've been waiting for the subject to "naturally" come up. I'm sure in your own household the topic of gestational surrogacy is a common theme....Oh, no? Us either. So that didn't work. 

But today, I decided was the day.

After a long day of playing with a neighborhood friend Zoey came home tired and filthy. She participated in Green Up Day by picking up trash on a local road and had had some sort of sticky substance in her hair since the previous night so into the bath she went. Which was perfect. I had her trapped!

I had no idea how she was going to react. I have been thinking about it so much. Many people who know me and my family have asked how I think Zoey will react and I have answered honestly. some people feel that she will "understand some day" or that "she'll be fine". I just don't know. I guess I have thought that she would be fine, and sad, and understand some day, and wonder why we couldn't keep the baby, and not understand at all.  

Months ago when I spoke to a therapist my plan had been to tell her that Jessi's belly was broken and so I was going to carry her baby for her. But when I started to talk to her, I forgot my script completely and just told her the truth. 

I told her that Jessi and Ben want to have a baby, to which she got really excited! She loves Jessi and Ben and this was another baby in her life! Then I told her that Jessi couldn't carry the baby inside her belly because it would hurt her heart too much, so I was going to carry the baby for them and then when the baby was born, that we would give it back to Jessi and Ben. Zoey got a huge smile on her face and said, "so we're going to get another cousin!!" I exhaled a great sigh of relief! If this is the first reaction she has I think we are in good shape! "Yes, it will be like another cousin!"

The conversation that followed hit all of the areas I expected. When will the baby come? Is it in your belly now? How long has it been there? If we have the baby at night will we just give it to Jessi and Ben the next day? Can we keep it for a day? Is it a boy or a girl? I think it's a girl. What's her name?

Zoey understood that I was pregnant and the baby was inside my body. She wanted to touch the baby and we talked about being able to feel the baby kick. Thankfully, we did not discuss how babies are made. I'm not really mature enough for that conversation yet.

Zoey did express that she still thinks that we should have another baby in our house, but that we should have it now, and then later we'll give the other baby to Jessi and Ben. I tried to tell her that if I had another baby then I wouldn't be able to give her as much attention as I do now. But she wasn't concerned about that. I think she'll still push for baby number three!