Talk to Me Like I'm A 5 Year Old

I have been thinking about talking to Zoey about being a gestational surrogate for weeks now. When people who know about the pregnancy approach me or I see them for the first time in a while I frantically whisper that they should say NOTHING about the pregnancy and then awkwardly motion toward my children while shaking my head. Then I stare at my children to ensure that they continue to be completely unaware that anything at all has changed. This series of motions deters people from talking about pregnancy. It also appears that along with the pregnancy, I have developed paranoia and a lack of gross motor impulse control.

My desire to keep friends, along with the fact that my stomach now sticks out farther than my boobs, has made me realize that it's time to tell the kids. Emmet (3 year old boy), I believe, will have very little awareness or care. Zoey on the other hand, is currently obsessed with live babies. She has never really been into baby dolls that much, but recently my close friends and relatives have started to have babies and she just can't get enough of them. She holds them, tries to pick them up and googoos and gagas all over them. It's adorable and I love it. She also has been telling me, in the past 6 months that she thinks we should have a third baby in our house, to which I usually reply that we aren't going to have more babies in our house. So you can see my apprehension.

For about 2 weeks now, I've been waiting for the subject to "naturally" come up. I'm sure in your own household the topic of gestational surrogacy is a common theme....Oh, no? Us either. So that didn't work. 

But today, I decided was the day.

After a long day of playing with a neighborhood friend Zoey came home tired and filthy. She participated in Green Up Day by picking up trash on a local road and had had some sort of sticky substance in her hair since the previous night so into the bath she went. Which was perfect. I had her trapped!

I had no idea how she was going to react. I have been thinking about it so much. Many people who know me and my family have asked how I think Zoey will react and I have answered honestly. some people feel that she will "understand some day" or that "she'll be fine". I just don't know. I guess I have thought that she would be fine, and sad, and understand some day, and wonder why we couldn't keep the baby, and not understand at all.  

Months ago when I spoke to a therapist my plan had been to tell her that Jessi's belly was broken and so I was going to carry her baby for her. But when I started to talk to her, I forgot my script completely and just told her the truth. 

I told her that Jessi and Ben want to have a baby, to which she got really excited! She loves Jessi and Ben and this was another baby in her life! Then I told her that Jessi couldn't carry the baby inside her belly because it would hurt her heart too much, so I was going to carry the baby for them and then when the baby was born, that we would give it back to Jessi and Ben. Zoey got a huge smile on her face and said, "so we're going to get another cousin!!" I exhaled a great sigh of relief! If this is the first reaction she has I think we are in good shape! "Yes, it will be like another cousin!"

The conversation that followed hit all of the areas I expected. When will the baby come? Is it in your belly now? How long has it been there? If we have the baby at night will we just give it to Jessi and Ben the next day? Can we keep it for a day? Is it a boy or a girl? I think it's a girl. What's her name?

Zoey understood that I was pregnant and the baby was inside my body. She wanted to touch the baby and we talked about being able to feel the baby kick. Thankfully, we did not discuss how babies are made. I'm not really mature enough for that conversation yet.

Zoey did express that she still thinks that we should have another baby in our house, but that we should have it now, and then later we'll give the other baby to Jessi and Ben. I tried to tell her that if I had another baby then I wouldn't be able to give her as much attention as I do now. But she wasn't concerned about that. I think she'll still push for baby number three!