Another Beginning

Tomorrow I have to go back to work. I know there isn't much sympathy there. I've been off of work for 7 weeks and I'm sure my coworkers would love to have me come back and relieve them of the additional duties they have incurred while I've been out. My leave has been absolutely amazing and I've loved every second of it. My children have loved it, my husband has loved it and I'm pretty sure that my neighbors who have benefitted from my time spent baking Christmas cookies have also loved it. I will mourn the loss of my 7 weeks as a stay-at-home mom with a paycheck as I return to work and the hectic chaos of a household with two full-time out of the home working parents resumes. Le sigh. Enjoy those Hot Pockets kids!

I do feel grateful for this time, because it has allowed me the opportunity to reflect on the past year and a half of hormones, doctors visits, blood draws, weight gain, love and beauty. I have been able to truly appreciate how awesome it is to be a surrogate. I feel fortunate that I had the opportunity to participate in such an emotional journey. I am so lucky to be able to experience a friendship so full of adoration, love and joy. Jessi and Ben have said that there is no way to truly repay me and my family, but they already have. My friend, Hannah Wood likes to say, "As the Giver I am the Receiver" and I couldn't agree more. I am richer because of this experience. You already have repaid me. I don't regret a single day.

To answer a few FAQ's...

A: My body feels great. I'm totally healed and I'm looking forward to beginning to workout again. I pumped for four weeks, which was fine. I used a Hospital Grade pump that Jessi rented from a lactation consultant. I highly recommend this for anyone who is planning on exclusively pumping.

A: I am not sad. It was not hard to let go of sweet Sunnie. My hormones seemed fairly balanced. I am chalking it up to the strong as steel support network I have, the herbs and oils from Willow Crossing (willowcrossing.org) that I used-handmade by my friend Kori Gelinas, or the fact that I have gotten to sleep through the night because I don't actually have to take care of a baby. Sleep deprivation will wreck you.

A: I have seen her a number of times and absolutely adore her....and equally adore watching my friends as they work out how to do this parenting thing. I am elated when I see photos of her pop up on my newsfeed as the centerpiece of the Holiday dinner. As her proud Aunties snuggle and squeeze her. And as I watch her family members fall in love with her a little more every day.

A: NO. I do not want to have a baby that I keep now.


New Years Day has always been one of my favorite days of the year. 1. Because 104.7 The Point plays The Beatles A to Z. And 2. Because I truly do believe that setting resolutions are meaningful. My resolutions this year are centered around my husband and two children. It has been an incredible year and half and I am so fortunate that they surround me. This year, my energy will be focused on my home and creating peace within it. Since I have been home with my children the past 7 weeks they seem more secure and settled. They have benefitted from my presence in a way that I did not expect.

I resolve to continue to have my children feel this security even as I return to work. For me this means a reduction in outside distractions. I have decided to no longer teach fitness and to reduce any activities that divert my energy outside my home. To actually put my phone down when I am with them and not carry it around the house, as I do, from room to room. And to play more. Everyone needs to play more.

I resolve to pay attention. Good things are happening all around us. Bad things are happening too, but it is important to continue to recognize all of the good things. I believe this will help us have more compassion for the bad things.

And finally, I resolve to continue to write. It has been so helpful for me to document this journey- To process my thoughts and feelings and to share with people who have had experiences that they can relate to. No one likes to feel alone. So stay tuned for links to my next blog.

I actually can't believe how many people have read this blog-how many people have reached out and supported us through this. So much generosity and giving has resulted from our story: Fox44, Mini Mi Photography, Burlington Vermont Mom's Blog, Zutano, and all of the kind gestures and gifts Jessi and I have received from friends and family. I, for one, continue to feel held up by the feeling of community that this story has generated. Thank you for letting my soul shine.