Week 8 Update! (post by jessi)

Before writing this post I read over Maggie’s last entry and it seems as if years have passed since winter storm Vulcan graced us with its presence.  At that time, we knew there was a sac and it was perfectly situated in her uterus.  The relief we all enjoyed, however, only lasted a few short days.

Six days later on March 20^th, I received a phone call from Maggie to which she started by saying “Everything’s fine, but…”  Yeah, I thought to myself, then why are you calling me on a random Thursday?  She went on to say that she had some spotting but an ultrasound was able to confirm the sac will still there.  However, because the doctors could not detect a heartbeat at the time, we only had a 50/50 chance of the embryo surviving.  She was 5 weeks, 6 days.  According to Dr Google, heartbeats can be detected as early as 6 weeks.  In my mind, she was 6 weeks and this was devastating news that we never expected.

We already had an appointment on the books to check for a heartbeat on Monday, March 24^th but the docs said because they couldn’t detect it at 5 weeks 6 days, they didn’t think they’d be able to detect it at our next scheduled appointment four days later.  For follow up purposes, they told Maggie they’d keep the appointment on 3/24 in case she continued to have more spotting over the weekend but if not, they’d see us all back on 3/31 to check for a heartbeat. 

Unfortunately, there was more spotting over the weekend. 

We texted on Sunday night and she told me she was going in on 3/24, the day that was supposed to be our “see the heartbeat appointment.”  I apologized for the shitshow this journey had turned into, she apologized for having to continually give us bad news and I asked her to email or text me with whatever information she came away with.

10 minutes after her scheduled appointment time on Monday morning, I got the heartbeat video y’all saw on Facebook two weeks ago.  I couldn’t believe it.  I literally thought I was going to vomit. 

Once a heartbeat is detected, the risk of miscarriage is about 10%.  I was much happier with these odds and surprisingly, the last two weeks have been somewhat normal for me emotionally (when compared to the major/minor meltdowns and crying fits of the last few months).   

Today was our 8 week (8 weeks, 3 days to be exact) check-up to confirm viability and we are all elated to announce that the embryo has graduated to a fetus with a strong, normal heart rate and is currently on track with expected growth.  The risk of miscarriage has dropped from 10% to less than 1.5%!!!

So, for lack of any additional creative energy, I leave you with my top ten lessons learned from IVF start to fetus viability.  In no particular order:  

1. Listen to your mother.  My mom has never wavered in her firm belief that this third and final try would work out.  Yes, at times, I wanted to stab her with a syringe because she refused to commiserate with me and instead sent me pictures of blooming hibiscus plants.  In the end she was right, as always. 
2. Knowledge is power but it’s comes with a lot of unnecessary worry.  Remember that ignorance is bliss when it comes to the science of baby making.  Trust your doctor, stay off the internet and remember that everyone’s situation is unique.  MBA research skills be damned.
3. Booking a week-long vacation to Mexico on a whim literally minutes after you receive your less-than-favorable egg retrieval fertilization report can be quite cathartic.  We leave Friday April 25^th.  Mas cerveza por favor.
4. Your friends and family can and will make you cry at the drop of a hat with a nice letter in the mail or a sweet text/email.  We are completely and utterly overwhelmed by the love and support of those we see regularly, occasionally and only-on-the-interwebs friends & family.  Thank you all for reaching out to us – we’ll always remember those sweet gestures of love.
5. Limbo sucks.  Weeks of waiting to see which direction our lives were headed was not fun.  Unfortunately, there’s no way around this one.  Just roll with it.
6. Cautious optimism will become a frequently used term in your vocabulary.  Get used to it.
7. Gestational surrogacy with a BFF intensifies each and every one of the exhilarating happy days as well as the dark sad days that come along with IVF treatment.  I’ll never forget those dark days when we questioned our choices and felt absolutely terrible that Benny and I were the only reason Maggie would ever have to experience a miscarriage. On the other hand, I couldn’t imagine a stranger sharing in our happiness on the good days like Maggie and Jim do.  Peaks and valleys are inevitable, we’re so lucky to experience them in extremes with these people we love.
8. Ditch your expectations.  Shit’s going to happen on its own schedule if you’re lucky enough for it to happen at all.  The world owes you nothing. 
9. Multiply whatever you think it’s going to cost by three.
10. Hearing your baby’s heartbeat for the first time is a priceless moment in time that nothing else can compare to.  Thank you, Maggie, for giving us this opportunity.