Where there's smoke.... (post by jessi)

Wednesday night, our smoke alarm went off around midnight.  It wasn’t the stupid chirping sound that happens when the battery is low.  It was the “OMFG wake up, there’s a fire in your house” sound.  A split second after it started, Benny asked, “What is that?!”  He must’ve been still half asleep because there is NO mistaking the terrible, terrible screech of a smoke alarm in the middle of the night.

 

We both leapt out of bed in a panic.  Was it the smoke alarm or the carbon monoxide detector?  Am I going to have to jump out of a window? Did the furnace catch on fire?  Are we going to lose our house? Ahhhh, OMG stop with the screeching already, we’re awake dammit!!!!!

 

By this time, my heart was pounding out of my chest.  I was in full blown panic mode and I’d just barely hopped out of bed.   As we stepped onto the landing of our bedroom, it was literally impossible to determine which smoke alarm was going off.  Our house has a huge open space from the ground floor to the 3^rd floor (A cathedral ceiling?  I’m not sure what it’s called, really) and so sound travels throughout the house very easily.   We go downstairs with poor doggy in tow (I'm sure all of that screeching was really painful for her), and we finally find the ballistic smoke alarm.  Benny shuts it off.  There is no smoke.  There is no fire.  There is no emergency.  Stupid smoke alarm.

 

We head back to bed and Benny almost immediately falls back to sleep.  Jerk.  J  I, on the other hand, lay there trying to calm my nerves and figure out how a smoke alarm could malfunction like that.  I think about all of the possible scenarios that could’ve just played out if there actually was a fire.  I think about what that experience would’ve been like if BGJ was asleep in her crib and I begin to feel very vulnerable.  As someone who’s never been particularly strong or level-headed in emergency situations, will I be able to rise to the call of duty for my child or will I fall faint?  No joke, I'm really a fainter.  It was completely overwhelming and a bit traumatizing to feel all of this self doubt over a stupid malfunctioning smoke alarm.

   

Eventually I fall asleep and when I wake up, I’m still a bit disturbed by the whole thing.  Benny makes me a coffee and I follow my usual morning ritual of reading up on my favorite blogs, one of which is called Rookie Moms.  I almost choked when I saw the newest post, Creative New Products for Parents. 

Holy. Crap.

Irony (post by jessi)

In summer 2012, I met with Maternal Fetal Medicine at Fletcher Allen Health Care to discuss my reproductive options.  Aside from a 30% - 60% chance of death, I would probably be very sick in the second and third trimesters, spend most of my time at the hospital being monitored or worse, on bed rest at the hospital. Even if I didn’t die during (or soon after) pregnancy, I would have a very small and/or premature baby with high medical needs.  Talk about being scared straight! 

Fast forward exactly 2 years and 3 days and I find myself in the same examination room at FAHC discussing our small baby.  Ahhhh, the irony! 

As you already know, the prognosis is great for both Maggie and BGJ.  Our OB thinks she’s conditionally small – meaning she’d be small even without an SUA.  We’re not giant people, Benny and I, and there’s a lot of diminutiveness on both sides of our families.  But because of the umbilical cord anomaly, we need a monitoring plan to confirm that BGJ does not go into distress.  Our first weekly monitoring appointment was this past Monday and all is well.  1 down, 8 more to go.  That’s in addition to the regular OB checkups at Maitri, which brings us up to 2 appointments per week until BGJ arrives.  Oy!        

With each appointment to check on BJG, I’m less anxious and more confident that everything is going to be just fine – for everyone.  This situation is completely out of our control and nothing that Maggie does (or doesn’t do) will affect the outcome – just so long as she doesn’t pick up smoking cigarettes or crack.  Of all the pregnancy complications to choose from, (and I’m not really sure complication is the correct term in this context) an SUA is one of the least scary to research with Dr Google.  If you've consulted Dr Google for any medical information, you  know that that speaks volumes! 

A benefit of gestational surrogacy with a BFF is that I could vicariously experience pregnancy through Maggie.  Aside from the fetal echocardiogram to make sure BGJ didn’t inherit my heart defect, I assumed we’d follow a predictable care schedule with just two ultrasounds and then somewhere around 40 weeks Maggie would go into labor and deliver.  There wouldn’t be dozens of appointments and consults with various specialties or the weight of worrying about my health or the health of the baby. I looked forward to a smooth, text book maternity experience as well as the opportunity to see just how those healthy people without chronic conditions had a baby without modern medicine being all up in your face.   

And here’s my point to all this rambling:  How ironic is it that instead of living vicariously through Maggie, she is now getting a small taste of what the pregnancy could’ve been like for me?

Mind blown.

 

Although, there’s a HUGE upside to all of this third trimester attention:  Tons and tons of looks at BGJ.  For your viewing pleasure:



 

 

P.S. Our last ultrasound technician was super fun and tried to get us a 3-D profile or face shot of BGJ but to no surprise, this little one is a strong willed Scorpio who's not a fan of the ultrasound waves so all we got was a weird ear shot.  I'll spare you that image.  Well-played, BGJ.

 

ETA

At the 20 week ultrasound we were told that BGJ (Baby Girl Jacobs) was measuring on the small side and Maitri recommended doing an additional scan (level 2?) at Fletcher Allen to make sure things were okay. They also noted that there was a Single Umbilical Cord (SUA), which means that instead of the typical 2 artery/1 vein cord, this baby only has on artery.

A few days after that we headed up to FAHC for the second scan. All of the measurements looked fantastic. Head, heart, kidneys, bones, neck folds....They checked the whole, sweet, itty-bitty baby and noted nothing else of significance. Yet, she was still teeny tiny and had the SUA going for her. We were offered additional genetic testing, but opted out. However, we were told that an additional growth scan would take place around 28 weeks.

By 28 weeks, my brain had basically turned to mush. I can't remember anything. I'm fairly emotionally fragile and to top it all off, my daughter started first grade, which creates for a busy time of year. Getting kids out of the glory of summer nights and into a strict bedtime routine is no joke. In fact, it's not a funny at all. It's torture. For everyone. There is basically no down time for parents because you spend 2 hours negotiating with your kids why they need to go to bed and then you're too exhausted to do anything but collapse on your bed-Which hasn't even been comfortable lately because it is approximately 1,000 degrees with a million percent humidity....And don't even get me started on this g.d. ragweed ridiculousness. I basically need an oxygen tank to breath.

So I arrived late to my first appointment of the week and needed to reschedule for the following day, which was fine, because they hadn't booked us for a room with an ultrasound machine thing, so I'm not really sure what the deal was. The doctor at our rescheduled appointment seemed to have missed the memo about what was going on in the room. I am fairly certain she thought I just brought some random couple to the appointment and had no idea that the baby was actually theirs. When the scan showed that the baby was still small, she panicked and fled, announcing that FAHC would call us for an additional scan. But don't worry, she momentarily peaked her head back in to ask if we had any questions. I'm barely exaggerating.

A week and a half later we had an additional scan and a great doctor that was very thorough and clear about the plan in the coming weeks, so here goes:

BGJ is measuring small for her gestational age. Any time a baby is below the bottom 5% the doctor's recommend weekly growth scans and doppler readings. The doppler readings study the blood flow between me and BGJ. Starting at 32 weeks they will add a Non-Stress Test which will monitor BGJ's heart rate both while BGJ is moving and when she's not moving. If at any point, BGJ stops or slows in her growth or she appears in distress then I will be induced and we will all get to meet BGJ earlier than expected! Although we would love to keep her in as long as possible, we also can't wait to meet her.

BGJ looks great, really. She's just a peanut. So we will do our best to keep you posted in the coming weeks. We are in the final stretch for sure!

Do Your Best

Blog posts seem to be few and far between, but in our defense, we are experiencing the glorious and simple second trimester of pregnancy. Not a lot happens. I continue to feel comfortable, therefore delaying any complaints I may have for Ben and Jessi in the future. BGJ (Baby Girl Jacobs) grows while nestled literally in the lowest part possible in my body. She's been moving and shaking to let me know she's doing ok. She prefers to do this at night and in the morning. She looks good, I don't have gestational diabetes or any issues with my iron intake. Plus, it's summer and my kids are home and enjoying the freedom summer has to offer! I'm spending all of my free time playing with them. But alas, here is the latest blog post in an effort to support all of the new mamas in my life!

My sister recently had her first baby. He is perfect and beautiful and I love him!! I went to visit her and her new little family when he was just 4 days old. On the first night I was there, we all went "to bed" around 10. Well, I went to bed. By myself. In a room with air conditioning which drowned out the sound of any crying babies. I awoke the next morning and emerged from my blissful sleep alone and saw the telltale signs of brand new parents who were working hard all night long to soothe and care for their sweet little bundle of joy through wading through a fog of half-awake reasoning and negotiations with your partner on what the best way to do this is. And I thought to myself, "thank Goddess I don't have to do that again."

It's not that I'm totally against having more babies, although I'm 90% certain I am....It's that first baby that is so hard to figure out. I can clearly remember the hopeless, helpless, emotionally charged first 30 days with my first child. Breast-feeding was so hard for me. Nights were so hard for me. Newborn babies cry and your emotions are raging and it's challenging to figure out what the best thing to do next is.

What makes parenting even harder is what I believe has been dubbed the "Mommy Wars." From the moment a woman announces that she is expecting, the advice starts flying. Sometimes it's helpful and sometimes its hurtful. Here is a short list of things you should refrain from saying:

"You can barely tell you are pregnant."
"Are you sure you aren't having twins? Positive?"
"Should you be eating that?"
"Are you sure you should be doing that in 'your condition'."

Many people feel like they know THE BEST way to be pregnant/give birth/feed your baby/parent. But the fact of the matter is, THE BEST way to be pregnant/give birth/feed your baby/parent is the way it will work best for you, your baby and your family. There is no exact right way. Every experience is just that: an experience.

What makes parenting easier for me is the ability to commiserate with other new parents or people who have had similar experiences. I had a horrible time learning to breastfeed. I muscled through it because I was able to do it and I knew it was "best" for my baby, but I never "loved" it. Especially not with my first. She had a weak latch and never really wanted to work too hard. For the first three months, she would nurse for 45 minutes on one side, then fall asleep and about an hour and a half later she would nurse for 45 minutes on the other side. There was not a "shortage of milk", that's just how it was. I adapted so I could be slightly useful during the day, but it was very challenging. The sling became my best friend and we ordered cable because I was basically sitting on the couch all day long.

When my first turned four months, I developed Mastitis which is an infection in the breast tissue that results in pain, swelling, and redness of the breast. You can also develop fever and chills. I was bleeding while my daughter was nursing and was in extreme pain. I consulted with a lactation consultant who said I should nurse through it, but I was absolutely miserable. I sat on the couch while my kid smiled up at my with blood dripping out of her mouth and burst into tears. My wonderful husband came to the rescue and said, "what if we tried a little formula so your body can heal?" I wept that that would make me a bad mother, a failure. My husband hugged me and told me I would not be a failure or a bad mother. He assured me that I was a great mother and that I could still nurse on one side. We discussed that I would gently pump the injured side while my body healed and then I could resume nursing and we could eliminate the formula. I agreed and we tried it. And my body healed and I resumed breast feeding and everything was fine. I didn't really talk about this a lot, at the time, but I felt so relieved that we had made that choice. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with what I did, despite what some people might think. Were there other options? I'm sure there were, but I didn't choose them and that's ok.

Here's the thing: we are all human beings. We make choices every day about how we want to live and then regardless of the outcome of our choices, life goes on. Since that time of sitting on the couch and worrying about the judgement of others based on my choice to give my kid a little formula, I've realized that it doesn't really matter what other parents do or think. Not only do I feel like I don't care what people think about my parenting, I think I shouldn't necessarily care about the choices other parents make either...I'd love to sit around and chat about what worked or didn't work for me, but I have no idea what "the right thing" to do is for you and your family. And I'm sorry if I ever acted like I did.

To that mom I used to judge in the grocery store while your child was having a meltdown-I'm sorry. I totally get it now. To the parent who lets their kid watch TV so they can finally clean the fridge-Go for it! To the mom who let's their kid play with their IPhone at the restaurant so your kid doesn't lose their mind before the appetizers come-Cheers my friend! To the man on the beach the other day who got his 3 year old to clean up the beach toys with the promise of ice cream-Yes sir, whatever works!

To all the new parents out there, including my sister and Jessi and Ben: Just do your best. Your kids are lucky to have parents that are willing to do whatever it takes to make their lives great! No matter how you choose to be pregnant/give birth/feed your baby/parent, as long as you aren't putting your children in harm's way you are probably doing the right thing! And if not, I'm sure they will tell you when they grow up!

Paging Mrs Jacobs (post by jessi)

Hi, my name is Jessi and it’s been two months since my last post.  What?!  Where has the time gone?  Oh, yeah.  Now I remember.  I GOT MARRIED!  Benny and I tied the knot on July 5^th in front of our closest friends and family at my parent’s camp in North Hero, Vermont.  Jim, Maggie’s husband, officiated the ceremony and he couldn’t have done a better job.  It was a bit windy that day but he had no problems projecting his voice all the way to the back row so that everyone could hear (that’s just one of the reasons he makes such a bad-ass teacher).  Zoey, Jim and Maggie’s adorable daughter, was the proud keeper of the rings.  She nailed it!

At the end of the ceremony, Jim announced that a random guest had an envelope taped under their seat.  This envelope revealed the gender of baby Jacobs.  Everyone simultaneously reached down under to check and up came our dear friend Kate with the envelope.  She opened it and revealed a pink headband to the crowd.  Cheering, clapping and even a little hysterical shrieking ensued.  At least, that’s how I remember it.  When we get our photos, I’ll report back and confirm.

The ceremony was brief but intimate and incredibly meaningful thanks to participation from the Van Duyns.  It really was the best day of our lives.

In other news, I’ve become sympathy pregnant.    

Item #1 - I think I’ve gained more weight than Maggie has.  For real.  I’ve even consulted Dr Google to determine if there are any residual effects of ovary stimulation in search of an answer for my ever tightening jeans.  This can’t possibly be related to something I have actual control over like eating and exercise, could it?  Nah.  Must be my ovaries are still swollen.  Ha!

Item #2 – I have the bowels of a pregnant lady.  Let’s just leave it at that.

Item #3 – I have been nesting something fierce.  Last weekend, I logged 8,000 steps just cleaning the house.  I swept, then vacuumed all the floors and area rugs and then swept again.  I even mopped the floors.  I cleaned behind furniture, scrubbed the shower and toilets, purged and organized the bathroom vanity, and dusted every surface.  This week, I’ve been a culinary genius.  I made a Mexican coleslaw, bacon-avocado-egg salad, feta and bleu cheese stuffed pork chops, and chicken cutlets in a wine and mushroom sauce.  Woohoo, look at me go!  Oh wait, I’m starting to see a correlation with item #1.  Dammitsomuch.

Item #4 – I also have pregnancy brain.  Yesterday, I decided it was finally time to pick up a piece of certified mail that’s been hanging out at the Cambridge post office since, like, forever.  I drove to the Jeffersonville post office because, you know, same town, right?  The town offices are in Jeffersonville so that must also be where the post office is, right?  Wrong.  The Jeffersonville Post Office is more like the Jeffersonville Office of PO Boxes and nothing else. Zip, nada, zilch.  I was completely stupefied when I got there.   Hmmm, where are all the postal workers?  I walked back to my vehicle and consulted Google Maps.   “Oh yeah…,” I slowly murmured to myself, “I drove by it three miles back.”  Uh duuhhhhhh.  I’ve lived in Cambridge for more than a year and I don’t even know where my post office is.  

Stay Strong All Pregnancy Long

I eat a lot of ice cream. I mean, a lot. Maybe an unreasonable amount, but in my defense, it's hot, ice cream is delicious and salad is hard to chew sometimes. That said, I haven't gained an unreasonable amount of weight yet. The only time I've been disappointed with my weight gain was during the last appointment and I'm not really counting that because I had eaten Chinese food the night before which everyone knows makes you retain water and I had a full bladder, so I knocked the actual weight gain down from 4 to 1 pound. I feel good about it.

It's important to me to stay active and healthy during my pregnancy so that post-baby I can get back into shape in a reasonable period of time. Here's what I'm doing to stay strong:

I have been actively engaged in the Zumba® community for about 4 years now and at times in the past 4 years have done Zumba® as many as 5 times a week, sometimes with multiple classes in one day. I've tapered down and added some additional fitness classes, but I still do love Zumba®! I love it so much that in the fall of 2013 I became a Licensed Zumba® Instructor. Catch me Monday nights at Fusion 802 for $5 (Personal plug!). However, all that jumping and hopping and twisting and turning gets a little tiresome for the bump and I am currently only doing my class with the possibility of one additional class per week!!

Secondly, for each of my pregnancies, I have practiced Pre-natal Yoga at Evolution Yoga in Burlington, VT. I adore the studio director, Susan Cline Lucey and she has developed an amazing community for mother's and mother's to be to share their stories of pregnancy and birth in a non-judgemental space. From the moment I began class there when I was 11 weeks pregnant with my first baby, I was hooked and I'm convinced that birth would be more difficult without it-Not that I plan to let myself find out!

My newest discovery in the world of fit pregnancy I discovered right next door to my office. There is a great physical therapy office that recently opened called Peak Performance. They have an amazing smoothie and coffee bar (which was the only reason I had been going there) and while waiting for a delicious smoothie one day this physical therapist named Kristina Marcussen asked when we (my co-workers and I) were going to try Redcord. I begrudgingly said, "I don't know if I can, I'm pregnant." "Oh, congratulations!" she says. To which I most always reply, "it's not mine." And then wait for a reaction. More often then not the recipient of the conversation is at first stunned and unsure what to say. I follow up by saying I'm carrying a baby for a friend. And then the, "oh my God!" "That's so amazing!" "What a gift!" I've tailored my response to just say thank you instead of my old, "anyone would do it, no big deal." I've accepted at this point it is, kind of, a big deal.

So the story goes and Kristina convinces me that I should try Redcord and that it would be great for birth and the pregnancy and post-natal! I'm in! Anything to help me stay fit, strong and get back to business post baby~

When I arrive for my appointment, I realize I had neglected to mention something, so I report to dear Kristina that along with the pregnancy, I also have a back condition called Spondylolisthesis. She is very familiar with "spondy", but for those who aren't, this starts as a stress fracture in the vertebrae (mine was in 5 vertebrae-L1 through L5) and when the fracture weakens the vertebrae slips. I'm fairly certain the "slip" happened during the time that I was nursing Emmet. When the "slip" happened it damaged a nerve in my back which has resulted in some chronic pain which I have easily managed with core work and a small dose of Gabapentin. Gabapentin is not recommended when pregnant so I haven't taken it in quite some time. I was relatively pain free until about a week and half ago. Why the sudden change? I'd venture to guess that the growing bump is affecting the amount of "core strength" I usually maintain.

Kristina leads me through a quick, but challenging routine that seems to isolate my muscles and work on specific areas. I have no idea what muscles she worked on, but it seemed like she hit every single one that would have anything to do with supporting my back and growing belly! So I was basically suspended in the air by these super strong cords and then would have to do the smallest movements to isolate my muscles. The next day I felt sore in muscles I didn't know I had, but my back was free of pain and I felt really strong! It was great and I can't wait for more.

Listen, I'm not going to stop eating ice cream, so I have to find some way to stay in shape. For now, I've got my routine down. Zumba®, Yoga, and Redcord.

Setting up our Breastaurant (post by Jessi)

At one of our required mental health appointments (you know, to validate that neither party to the Baby Jacobs Project was insane or coerced), the therapist mentioned that breastfeeding could be an option for me.  I explained that due to my heart condition, supplemental hormones to trick my body into lactating would probably not be in my best interest.  She said, “You don’t need hormones, it’s possible to induce lactation naturally.”  We were all surprised at this news.  Apparently, if you’re female and have a properly functioning pituitary gland, you can produce milk.  Sorry, Focker.

So what does naturally inducing lactation look like?  In one word:  commitment.   Everyone knows the benefits and all of the reasons why breast is best but just exactly what is involved in getting your body to do this in the absence of pregnancy?  Most online resources I’ve found read something like this:

The major drawbacks of induced lactation mainly involve the time and effort required to be successful. Stimulating the production of milk requires huge dedication and commitment, as breast pumping and stimulation needs to be performed 6 to 12 times a day, including night-time sessions which involve waking up in the early a.m.

6-12 times a day?  Ok, I guess that makes sense.  I can handle that and continue to research.

You will probably experience fatigue and increased hunger, as your body believes it is eating for two. You should increase your calorie intake by about 200 calories per day, but try to make healthy food choices in order to minimize weight gain.

Ha!  I’m definitely NOT going to increase my caloric intake, I’m taking this lactation train to skinny city.  Go on, tell me more.

If you decide to go down the breast pump only route (no hormones), you will need to begin pumping at least two months before the arrival of the baby. You will need to set a strict schedule, pumping every 2 to 3 hours, for 15 to 20 minutes at a time.  You will also need to include at least one night time pumping session, as your body's natural prolactin levels are highest between 1 am and 5am, so it's important to take advantage of this fact.

Pfft, big deal!  I can do this.  Might as well get a head start on my disrupted sleep cycle early, right?  

And then it gets weird.

If your baby has not yet arrived, you can still use the suckling method to induce lactation - you just need to get your partner to do it instead. This requires a huge commitment from both partners, but can be quite effective and can actually create a deeper connection between the two of you. It is essential that your partner learns the correct latching on and suckling technique, and that you stick to a strict schedule.

Alrighty then!  Yeah, um, no.  I think we’ll let the baby suckle and if the milk doesn’t come in, we’ll switch to formula.