Stay Strong All Pregnancy Long

I eat a lot of ice cream. I mean, a lot. Maybe an unreasonable amount, but in my defense, it's hot, ice cream is delicious and salad is hard to chew sometimes. That said, I haven't gained an unreasonable amount of weight yet. The only time I've been disappointed with my weight gain was during the last appointment and I'm not really counting that because I had eaten Chinese food the night before which everyone knows makes you retain water and I had a full bladder, so I knocked the actual weight gain down from 4 to 1 pound. I feel good about it.

It's important to me to stay active and healthy during my pregnancy so that post-baby I can get back into shape in a reasonable period of time. Here's what I'm doing to stay strong:

I have been actively engaged in the Zumba® community for about 4 years now and at times in the past 4 years have done Zumba® as many as 5 times a week, sometimes with multiple classes in one day. I've tapered down and added some additional fitness classes, but I still do love Zumba®! I love it so much that in the fall of 2013 I became a Licensed Zumba® Instructor. Catch me Monday nights at Fusion 802 for $5 (Personal plug!). However, all that jumping and hopping and twisting and turning gets a little tiresome for the bump and I am currently only doing my class with the possibility of one additional class per week!!

Secondly, for each of my pregnancies, I have practiced Pre-natal Yoga at Evolution Yoga in Burlington, VT. I adore the studio director, Susan Cline Lucey and she has developed an amazing community for mother's and mother's to be to share their stories of pregnancy and birth in a non-judgemental space. From the moment I began class there when I was 11 weeks pregnant with my first baby, I was hooked and I'm convinced that birth would be more difficult without it-Not that I plan to let myself find out!

My newest discovery in the world of fit pregnancy I discovered right next door to my office. There is a great physical therapy office that recently opened called Peak Performance. They have an amazing smoothie and coffee bar (which was the only reason I had been going there) and while waiting for a delicious smoothie one day this physical therapist named Kristina Marcussen asked when we (my co-workers and I) were going to try Redcord. I begrudgingly said, "I don't know if I can, I'm pregnant." "Oh, congratulations!" she says. To which I most always reply, "it's not mine." And then wait for a reaction. More often then not the recipient of the conversation is at first stunned and unsure what to say. I follow up by saying I'm carrying a baby for a friend. And then the, "oh my God!" "That's so amazing!" "What a gift!" I've tailored my response to just say thank you instead of my old, "anyone would do it, no big deal." I've accepted at this point it is, kind of, a big deal.

So the story goes and Kristina convinces me that I should try Redcord and that it would be great for birth and the pregnancy and post-natal! I'm in! Anything to help me stay fit, strong and get back to business post baby~

When I arrive for my appointment, I realize I had neglected to mention something, so I report to dear Kristina that along with the pregnancy, I also have a back condition called Spondylolisthesis. She is very familiar with "spondy", but for those who aren't, this starts as a stress fracture in the vertebrae (mine was in 5 vertebrae-L1 through L5) and when the fracture weakens the vertebrae slips. I'm fairly certain the "slip" happened during the time that I was nursing Emmet. When the "slip" happened it damaged a nerve in my back which has resulted in some chronic pain which I have easily managed with core work and a small dose of Gabapentin. Gabapentin is not recommended when pregnant so I haven't taken it in quite some time. I was relatively pain free until about a week and half ago. Why the sudden change? I'd venture to guess that the growing bump is affecting the amount of "core strength" I usually maintain.

Kristina leads me through a quick, but challenging routine that seems to isolate my muscles and work on specific areas. I have no idea what muscles she worked on, but it seemed like she hit every single one that would have anything to do with supporting my back and growing belly! So I was basically suspended in the air by these super strong cords and then would have to do the smallest movements to isolate my muscles. The next day I felt sore in muscles I didn't know I had, but my back was free of pain and I felt really strong! It was great and I can't wait for more.

Listen, I'm not going to stop eating ice cream, so I have to find some way to stay in shape. For now, I've got my routine down. Zumba®, Yoga, and Redcord.

Setting up our Breastaurant (post by Jessi)

At one of our required mental health appointments (you know, to validate that neither party to the Baby Jacobs Project was insane or coerced), the therapist mentioned that breastfeeding could be an option for me.  I explained that due to my heart condition, supplemental hormones to trick my body into lactating would probably not be in my best interest.  She said, “You don’t need hormones, it’s possible to induce lactation naturally.”  We were all surprised at this news.  Apparently, if you’re female and have a properly functioning pituitary gland, you can produce milk.  Sorry, Focker.

So what does naturally inducing lactation look like?  In one word:  commitment.   Everyone knows the benefits and all of the reasons why breast is best but just exactly what is involved in getting your body to do this in the absence of pregnancy?  Most online resources I’ve found read something like this:

The major drawbacks of induced lactation mainly involve the time and effort required to be successful. Stimulating the production of milk requires huge dedication and commitment, as breast pumping and stimulation needs to be performed 6 to 12 times a day, including night-time sessions which involve waking up in the early a.m.

6-12 times a day?  Ok, I guess that makes sense.  I can handle that and continue to research.

You will probably experience fatigue and increased hunger, as your body believes it is eating for two. You should increase your calorie intake by about 200 calories per day, but try to make healthy food choices in order to minimize weight gain.

Ha!  I’m definitely NOT going to increase my caloric intake, I’m taking this lactation train to skinny city.  Go on, tell me more.

If you decide to go down the breast pump only route (no hormones), you will need to begin pumping at least two months before the arrival of the baby. You will need to set a strict schedule, pumping every 2 to 3 hours, for 15 to 20 minutes at a time.  You will also need to include at least one night time pumping session, as your body's natural prolactin levels are highest between 1 am and 5am, so it's important to take advantage of this fact.

Pfft, big deal!  I can do this.  Might as well get a head start on my disrupted sleep cycle early, right?  

And then it gets weird.

If your baby has not yet arrived, you can still use the suckling method to induce lactation - you just need to get your partner to do it instead. This requires a huge commitment from both partners, but can be quite effective and can actually create a deeper connection between the two of you. It is essential that your partner learns the correct latching on and suckling technique, and that you stick to a strict schedule.

Alrighty then!  Yeah, um, no.  I think we’ll let the baby suckle and if the milk doesn’t come in, we’ll switch to formula.  

Talk to Me Like I'm A 5 Year Old

I have been thinking about talking to Zoey about being a gestational surrogate for weeks now. When people who know about the pregnancy approach me or I see them for the first time in a while I frantically whisper that they should say NOTHING about the pregnancy and then awkwardly motion toward my children while shaking my head. Then I stare at my children to ensure that they continue to be completely unaware that anything at all has changed. This series of motions deters people from talking about pregnancy. It also appears that along with the pregnancy, I have developed paranoia and a lack of gross motor impulse control.

My desire to keep friends, along with the fact that my stomach now sticks out farther than my boobs, has made me realize that it's time to tell the kids. Emmet (3 year old boy), I believe, will have very little awareness or care. Zoey on the other hand, is currently obsessed with live babies. She has never really been into baby dolls that much, but recently my close friends and relatives have started to have babies and she just can't get enough of them. She holds them, tries to pick them up and googoos and gagas all over them. It's adorable and I love it. She also has been telling me, in the past 6 months that she thinks we should have a third baby in our house, to which I usually reply that we aren't going to have more babies in our house. So you can see my apprehension.

For about 2 weeks now, I've been waiting for the subject to "naturally" come up. I'm sure in your own household the topic of gestational surrogacy is a common theme....Oh, no? Us either. So that didn't work. 

But today, I decided was the day.

After a long day of playing with a neighborhood friend Zoey came home tired and filthy. She participated in Green Up Day by picking up trash on a local road and had had some sort of sticky substance in her hair since the previous night so into the bath she went. Which was perfect. I had her trapped!

I had no idea how she was going to react. I have been thinking about it so much. Many people who know me and my family have asked how I think Zoey will react and I have answered honestly. some people feel that she will "understand some day" or that "she'll be fine". I just don't know. I guess I have thought that she would be fine, and sad, and understand some day, and wonder why we couldn't keep the baby, and not understand at all.  

Months ago when I spoke to a therapist my plan had been to tell her that Jessi's belly was broken and so I was going to carry her baby for her. But when I started to talk to her, I forgot my script completely and just told her the truth. 

I told her that Jessi and Ben want to have a baby, to which she got really excited! She loves Jessi and Ben and this was another baby in her life! Then I told her that Jessi couldn't carry the baby inside her belly because it would hurt her heart too much, so I was going to carry the baby for them and then when the baby was born, that we would give it back to Jessi and Ben. Zoey got a huge smile on her face and said, "so we're going to get another cousin!!" I exhaled a great sigh of relief! If this is the first reaction she has I think we are in good shape! "Yes, it will be like another cousin!"

The conversation that followed hit all of the areas I expected. When will the baby come? Is it in your belly now? How long has it been there? If we have the baby at night will we just give it to Jessi and Ben the next day? Can we keep it for a day? Is it a boy or a girl? I think it's a girl. What's her name?

Zoey understood that I was pregnant and the baby was inside my body. She wanted to touch the baby and we talked about being able to feel the baby kick. Thankfully, we did not discuss how babies are made. I'm not really mature enough for that conversation yet.

Zoey did express that she still thinks that we should have another baby in our house, but that we should have it now, and then later we'll give the other baby to Jessi and Ben. I tried to tell her that if I had another baby then I wouldn't be able to give her as much attention as I do now. But she wasn't concerned about that. I think she'll still push for baby number three!

A Sweet Goodbye

Dear Assisted Fertility Programs,

I'm writing a letter to sincerely thank you for all you have done for us. Jessi, Ben, myself and our families would not be in this amazing, exciting, fertile position if it weren't for your assistance. I truly am so appreciative and in awe of the scientific advances the world has made to get us where we are today. I have learned so much during this time. Truly. Thank you.

But goodbye. Goodbye IVF clinic. Goodbye Mo, and Dr. D and the rest of the nurses and doctors I was friendly with at times and spit venom toward at others. Goodbye.

Goodbye Fertility "F&*^*n" Pharmacy. Even though your customer service and delivery improved throughout time, I'm not sure if Jessi or I will ever reference your business without reminiscing about the horrors and late night mishaps. After tomorrow, I will gladly retire using your patches, your vaginal suppositories, your self-administered stabbings, among other medications. Goodbye.

Goodbye to the ever reliable Interweb to weigh our odds about whether or not this would be successful. Goodbye statistics on "infertility treatments" and "IVF miscarraige rates" and "ectopic pregnancy". Goodbye.

Tomorrow we start a new chapter in this story. We have our FIRST actual pre-natal appointment at Maitri. And although we will always be grateful for the assistance you have provided, we are ready......so incredibly ready, to move on.


Peace,
Jessi, Ben, Maggie, Jim and our ever-loving families XO
                                                                                 

Week 8 Update! (post by jessi)

Before writing this post I read over Maggie’s last entry and it seems as if years have passed since winter storm Vulcan graced us with its presence.  At that time, we knew there was a sac and it was perfectly situated in her uterus.  The relief we all enjoyed, however, only lasted a few short days.

Six days later on March 20^th, I received a phone call from Maggie to which she started by saying “Everything’s fine, but…”  Yeah, I thought to myself, then why are you calling me on a random Thursday?  She went on to say that she had some spotting but an ultrasound was able to confirm the sac will still there.  However, because the doctors could not detect a heartbeat at the time, we only had a 50/50 chance of the embryo surviving.  She was 5 weeks, 6 days.  According to Dr Google, heartbeats can be detected as early as 6 weeks.  In my mind, she was 6 weeks and this was devastating news that we never expected.

We already had an appointment on the books to check for a heartbeat on Monday, March 24^th but the docs said because they couldn’t detect it at 5 weeks 6 days, they didn’t think they’d be able to detect it at our next scheduled appointment four days later.  For follow up purposes, they told Maggie they’d keep the appointment on 3/24 in case she continued to have more spotting over the weekend but if not, they’d see us all back on 3/31 to check for a heartbeat. 

Unfortunately, there was more spotting over the weekend. 

We texted on Sunday night and she told me she was going in on 3/24, the day that was supposed to be our “see the heartbeat appointment.”  I apologized for the shitshow this journey had turned into, she apologized for having to continually give us bad news and I asked her to email or text me with whatever information she came away with.

10 minutes after her scheduled appointment time on Monday morning, I got the heartbeat video y’all saw on Facebook two weeks ago.  I couldn’t believe it.  I literally thought I was going to vomit. 

Once a heartbeat is detected, the risk of miscarriage is about 10%.  I was much happier with these odds and surprisingly, the last two weeks have been somewhat normal for me emotionally (when compared to the major/minor meltdowns and crying fits of the last few months).   

Today was our 8 week (8 weeks, 3 days to be exact) check-up to confirm viability and we are all elated to announce that the embryo has graduated to a fetus with a strong, normal heart rate and is currently on track with expected growth.  The risk of miscarriage has dropped from 10% to less than 1.5%!!!

So, for lack of any additional creative energy, I leave you with my top ten lessons learned from IVF start to fetus viability.  In no particular order:  

1. Listen to your mother.  My mom has never wavered in her firm belief that this third and final try would work out.  Yes, at times, I wanted to stab her with a syringe because she refused to commiserate with me and instead sent me pictures of blooming hibiscus plants.  In the end she was right, as always. 
2. Knowledge is power but it’s comes with a lot of unnecessary worry.  Remember that ignorance is bliss when it comes to the science of baby making.  Trust your doctor, stay off the internet and remember that everyone’s situation is unique.  MBA research skills be damned.
3. Booking a week-long vacation to Mexico on a whim literally minutes after you receive your less-than-favorable egg retrieval fertilization report can be quite cathartic.  We leave Friday April 25^th.  Mas cerveza por favor.
4. Your friends and family can and will make you cry at the drop of a hat with a nice letter in the mail or a sweet text/email.  We are completely and utterly overwhelmed by the love and support of those we see regularly, occasionally and only-on-the-interwebs friends & family.  Thank you all for reaching out to us – we’ll always remember those sweet gestures of love.
5. Limbo sucks.  Weeks of waiting to see which direction our lives were headed was not fun.  Unfortunately, there’s no way around this one.  Just roll with it.
6. Cautious optimism will become a frequently used term in your vocabulary.  Get used to it.
7. Gestational surrogacy with a BFF intensifies each and every one of the exhilarating happy days as well as the dark sad days that come along with IVF treatment.  I’ll never forget those dark days when we questioned our choices and felt absolutely terrible that Benny and I were the only reason Maggie would ever have to experience a miscarriage. On the other hand, I couldn’t imagine a stranger sharing in our happiness on the good days like Maggie and Jim do.  Peaks and valleys are inevitable, we’re so lucky to experience them in extremes with these people we love.
8. Ditch your expectations.  Shit’s going to happen on its own schedule if you’re lucky enough for it to happen at all.  The world owes you nothing. 
9. Multiply whatever you think it’s going to cost by three.
10. Hearing your baby’s heartbeat for the first time is a priceless moment in time that nothing else can compare to.  Thank you, Maggie, for giving us this opportunity.    

Winter Storm Vulcan

No news is good news. Accept when you are writing a blog about fertility challenges, then no news is usually not great. March 8th was when we were to report to the lab for blood work to determine if the embryos had attached or not. But Jessi and I are go-getters so on Wednesday, March 5th I woke up and took a digital advanced pregnancy test with a "weeks estimator" and it quickly indicated that I was 1-2 weeks pregnant! I text Jessi immediately and we virtually wept with one another.

After being cheerfully reprimanded by our good nurse, Mo, she happily agreed to allow us to come in for a blood test. So I picked Jessi up from work to the tune of "Happy" by Pharrell Williams, because, really, when is that not playing on the radio? And we buzzed on over to the lab with a skip in our step and a sparkle in our eyes!

Later that day Mo emailed us that my Hcg levels looked good and she wanted me back in 48 hours to monitor the Hcg levels which are expected to double every 48-72 hours. Friday's (March 7th) test indicated that my Hcg level had doubled and we were living easy, especially since we were still one day early! However, writes Mo, "Dr. D does want ONE MORE blood test on Sunday, just so we can track the hormone levels in the “correct” time frame. Dr. Ambroggio and Dr. Merhi are on this weekend so I’ll let them know to either contact you, or let me know so I can email both of you at the same time. On Monday, I’ll schedule an ultrasound for you for around 6 ½ - 7 weeks."

Sunday rolls around and I don't have a care in the world. I teach my first Zumba® class in 2 weeks and head on over to the lab for my blood test. After a short period of time where we only harassed poor Mo, who I'm pretty sure doesn't work 24 hours a day, but seems to respond to our emails at all of those times, we received this:

Okay, so Maggie's hormone level went up, but only to 143. We need to repeat Tuesday.

So... Stay on the patches and Endometrin for now. Maggie - are you having any bleeding or cramping?

Sent from my iPhone

I have always thought that once the embryos stuck, it would be no big deal to hold on to them. I'm great at being pregnant. As previously noted, both Jessi and I were surprised that this didn't work on the first try, but even so, I still thought if it's in it's a win! Multiple worst case scenarios flew through my brain. I texted Jessi to see if she was ok and she was convinced it was a "chemical pregnancy" or an "early miscarriage". This was confusing because my body didn't feel any different-and I had signs that I was pregnant. I emailed Mo asking, "you don't think it worked?" Mo reported that she did think it worked but was worried about an ectopic pregnancy. After my husband researched ectopic pregnancy and secured some life insurance, I consulted with a friend who experienced several IVF cycles before being blessed with a super smart whipper snapper of perfection and a follow-up, surprise, no-assistance-needed baby! My friend reported that she had what they in the fertility business call a "vanishing twin" which resulted in an initially normal report of Hcg numbers and a subsequent slow-down in the "doubling" of the numbers. So this was what I settled on. It was clearly one of these two things.

Those in direct contact with me may disagree, but I feel that thus far, aside from some excessive crying, I have done a pretty great job of keeping my emotions intact. I have worked really hard not to "use" my hormonal imbalance against others or as an excuse to react in completely unreasonable ways, but this? This put me right over the edge. The following "work week" was fairly unproductive. On Tuesday when I went in for my FOURTH blood test and then got the email that they still weren't sure and wanted me to return to the lab on Thursday for another blood test, weather permitting, I really lost it. I stifled back some tears, but sniffled away. I became enraged with modern medicine. Really!?! They can make an embryo in a petrie dish and then transfer it to a stranger but there is no better way to indicate WTF is going on inside my body?

On Wednesday, Winter Storm Vulcan hit. I can't understand why or when we started naming snow storms. Back when I was a kid, we never named the storm and we never canceled school ahead of time. Multiple "wasted" snow days occur out of this new phenomenon. As a Vermonter, I see it as my duty to drive around town at least one time during said snowstorm just to be able to report how bad it actually is. Well, on Wednesday as I prepared to leave work at 5:45, my windshield wipers broke....Not just the wipers but the actual arm of the wiper. I called Jim to blame and swear at him, then I proceeded to sit in the parking lot of my office and weep, uncontrollably for about 10 minutes before making a new plan and moving on. Jim couldn't help me because he has yet to outfit his car with snow tires. I transferred all of my belongings into my backup plan and head home. I probably should have just taken my car with the broken windshield wipers home because it was challenging to see behind the veil of tears I wore on the way home.

That night, Vermont watched as school after school and business after business was delayed or canceled due the the great storm Vulcan. You know what wasn't canceled or delayed? My work. I awoke Thursday morning and prepared for work as my family lay snug in their beds. I put on my winter gear at 7 AM and shoveled my way to my backup plan of a car, which was totally and completely buried by snow. My wonderful neighbor assisted me in the completion of unburying my car and at 7:30 when I went back in to take off my snow gear, blow-dry my hair, again, and head out for the day.

I drove straight to the hospital to get my labwork done. There were few cars on the road and the ones that were on the road were often stopped in the middle of the highway unable to continue to move due to the slippery conditions. I entered the hospital which was basically a ghost town. No one was ahead of me at the lab and I handed my purple check-in sheet to the phlebotomist. He called me up moments later to inform me that they had no order for me in the system. WHAT? Perfect. He offered to call customer service. I assured him that I would run on up to the clinic and take care of it myself.

I jog on up the two flights of stairs and walk up to the check-in desk.

"May I help you?" (big smile)

"Yep. I was told to come to the lab for a blood test this morning, during this snowstorm, and there is no order for me." (no smile) "Is Mo here yet?"

"Um, no," two receptionists look at eachother, "should we get Brenda, let's get Brenda."

Poor. Fucking. Brenda.

I throw myself into a chair and wait. Brenda comes out with a post-it pad.

"Hi, how can I help you." (big smile)

"Well, I shoveled my car out of 2 feet of snow this morning to be here bright and early for a blood test so that I could get to work, and there is no order for me." (no smile)

"Ok. What are they testing for?" (medium smile)

"I don't know, Hcg levels?" (sarcastic grimace)

"Ok. Is this your first blood test?"

Dramatic turn to Brenda with a look of hatred on my face, "no, it's my fifth." I was basically spitting venom.

Brenda backed away and assured me she would take care of it right away.

"Like now? Cause I have to go to work."

I stomped down to the 2nd level where the lab is and say in passing, "it's coming" to the phlebotomist. He informs me moments later that he's ready and as I settle into my seat he asks, "how is your day going?" HA! I answered him honestly at which point he begged me to have a better day moving forward.

Later that day Mo emails:

So… Dr. Merhi wants you to come in for ultrasound Monday. I’d like to get you in as early as possible, during our IVF time. Can you come in around 8:30?

You’ll technically be 5 weeks pregnant tomorrow. At this very early stage, an ultrasound will only show us if there’s anything in your uterus (or anywhere else). It’s too soon to see a heartbeat, which would indicate viability. If there’s a gestational sac in the uterus, it will be a reassuring sign, but we’ll have Maggie come in for another scan at a time when a heartbeat would be seen.

I might have lost my marbles if I had had to wait through the weekend, so I reply:

So if there is no sac would that point to ectopic? I don't understand why we can't do the ultrasound today or tomorrow. This is literally the most stressed out I have ever been. This waiting is excruciating. The possibility of an ectopic is stressful for me and my family.

I win and an ultrasound is scheduled for the following day.

As I enter the clinic there is a line of people leading to the exam room that we have been working with. Every person I see gives me that warm, "hang in there" smile, tinged with a bit of concern. I'm assuming that they have heard of my lunacy with nurse Brenda the previous day and are worried that I've really gone off the deep-end. Mo, Dr. D and the nurse who administers the ultrasound are all in the exam room and we get straight to business.

Here is what we see:

A collective sigh of relief escapes everyone in the room....And I'm pretty sure Mo cried a little bit. I did too. That dark spot in the middle is a gestational sac. In my uterus. This is good news. We don't know if it's viable or not yet and we have another ultrasound scheduled on March 24th, the anniversary of when I first met Jim. At that time we will be listening for a heartbeat.

Dr. D was not ready to say congratulations yet. We are so early in the process, it's difficult to predict what will happen. I remember when I was pregnant with my first baby, Zoey. At about 6 weeks I had an appointment with Tapestry Midwifery in Vergennes. Martha was the name of my midwife and she was everything I would ever want in a midwife. There is this idea that you aren't supposed to tell anyone that you are pregnant until you are through with the first trimester. One of the reasons is because the first trimester is the most fragile time in pregnancy. I asked Martha what she thought about this and she replied,

"What you have to think about is how you want others to respond if it is unsuccessful. Do you want people to surround you with support or are you someone who wants to heal on your own. Once you consider that, you can decide. But there is no right way."

There is no right way. We're all just doing the best we can.

Yoga Release or Why Jessi and I are Still Friends

I went to a yoga class this week. In the past 6 years I have gone to the following yoga classes: Pre-natal yoga, Post-natal yoga and Belly After Baby. No me by myself on a mat yoga classes. Yoga was my first fitness passion. I started practicing in 2002 and I love the feeling I have when I leave a yoga class-A gentle smile on my face and a feeling of relaxation in my muscles.....ahhh. So grateful I found yoga. Then I became pregnant with my first child, Zoey and attended pre-natal, and then post-natal. And then I stopped. I found Zumba and was desperate to take off the "baby weight" so I spent all of my free-time participating in burning the most calories in a short period of time. Yoga is tricky because of how incredibly difficult it is to be mindful when you have one million things you should be doing, including burning more calories, parenting your children, cleaning the house, during that hour. So I stopped until I got pregnant with my second child. I again fell in love with pre-natal, but I couldn't even muster the energy and mental power to do post-natal after having Emmet.

About a year ago, I begin to feel overwhelmed and stressed out about my job, my ability to parent, life in general and I began to realize that I need yoga in my life. I realized that the mindfulness that I didn't think possible when you have one million things you should be doing, including burning more calories is actually essential in order to stay present and be a better parent and not lose my mind at work. I began telling people that I needed to find a yoga class, but never actually went to a class. Finally, about 2 weeks ago a friend suggested that I meet her for a class on a Tuesday and I agreed!

As I was leaving my house I grabbed my neglected yoga mat and headed toward the door. I couldn't wait to get my namaste on! I almost had the urge to pop on the Deepak Chopra channel on Pandora, but I resisted. I thought about how beneficial yoga is for so many people. My mother has been practicing yoga for many years and became a Yoga Instructor about 5 years ago. I'm so proud of her and so impressed with how youthful and healthy she is. I certainly hope that I can maintain my health and movement as I age.

The great thing about yoga is that you know the atmosphere you are walking into. I mean, the purpose of yoga is to establish "peace of mind in order to experience one's true self" so when I walked in and announced it was my first time there, the teacher looked at me with her warm smile and said, "welcome." I'm not going to lie, I felt warm and cuddly and like I belonged there. My friend and I entered the main studio and set up our mats on the beautiful bamboo floor facing "the lotus wall." This was hot yoga so the temperature was raised. There were about 7 people in the room. One man, 2-3 middle aged woman, a 20 something budding yoga teacher and my friend and I, who I refuse to believe are middle aged yet. Many of the participants were getting their "pre-stretch" on, which is always so funny to me because aren't we there to get a little loose? It's like cleaning your house before the house cleaner comes- WTH? I have never had a house cleaner before, but I'd like to think that I would let the person do their job and clean my house. I'm not going to one-up them by "pre-cleaning". That's what they are there for.

The yoga teacher, who was previously seated behind a desk, walks into the studio and as she crosses to the studio to grab her Tingshaw bell I am able to admire her leggings which sport a bamboo motif with an entire thigh-sized panda bear on each leg. You friggen go girl!! I mean, those bad boys aren't for me, but I love that you are rocking them! Once the bell chimes and we are all standing in Fierce Pose facing the Lotus Wall I am in the yoga zone and ain't nothing gonna stop me. Panda girl asks us to set an intention for our practice and to offer that intention to the universe and I immediately ask the universe for release! Release from the tension I've been feeling in work, as a parent. With the universes blessing of release I think that will allow those teeny tiny embryos to nestle right into my ute!


As we progress to our Downward Dog sequence, I hear the token male yogi and his SUPER deep breathing, which sounds like he is actually more gasping or maybe he is a real live humidifier emitting steam in forceful uneven breaths. "That guy" goes to basically every single yoga class I've ever been to. I love a good Ujjayi breath as much as the next girl but, for serious?

I'm totally digging this yoga practice. I'm impressed with my strength, even though I haven't been to a class in years and my breathing is reasonably ocean like.....We settle into the mat on our stomach to get into some back strengthening poses. We are face down on the mat with our arms under our bodies and our palms on the floor under our hips so our pinkies touch each other. It's just as uncomfortable as it sounds. We are preparing to extend into locust pose:

The room is completely silent as everyone is working on raising their legs to a reasonable height without completely throwing their back out, when out of nowhere, the young 20 something girl lets out the loudest public fart I've ever heard! I buried my face into my mat reciting to myself that I should not under any circumstances make eye contact with my friend while I silently chortle to myself, trying all the while to keep my body still so Panda Girl would think I was mature enough to continue to attend class. Holy Mahatma-I'm seriously still legitimately LOL'ing right now.

I somehow managed to compose myself to complete the class after thinking, Oh geez, that was some release! I guess it does take continued practice to really let it go! I'll be back next week for sure! And, I certainly will continue to chuckle my way through the week. Laughing is good for the soul and I'm sure, it's helpful in the implantation of these embryos! My friend and I were not able to discuss this class disruption until the next day, but we are both still laughing about it. It wasn't Jessi with me in that class, but it just as easily could have been. I truly appreciate the kind of friend who will stick by you when things are tough, listen to you and encourage you when you are feeling like a failure, and laugh with you when someone farts in yoga class. Those are the friends that you keep forever.